Three mistakes parents make when working with a child addicted to porn

In our experience working with LDS families battling pornography addiction, we have had the chance to visit with many parents, church leaders, therapists and youth from various parts of the country on the topic of pornography addiction among LDS youth and young adults.  It is apparent that many young LDS members are battling the addiction, but we have been surprised by how few actually seek professional treatment for dealing with the addiction.  Listed are three mistakes that parents make that we believe explain this:

1.          Yes, it’s a problem………….but is professional intervention really needed?

Too often, the chronic use of pornography by youth is not viewed as an addiction, but rather just a bad habit.   The word “addiction” is strong and there is hesitancy on the part of parents, church leaders and youth to accept that an addiction has actually developed.  Because of shame and embarrassment, youth may minimize or downplay the extent of the problem.  As a result, parents and church leaders are often not fully aware of the depth of the issue resulting in the conclusion that professional help is not necessary.   The unfortunate reality of pornography addiction is that most are unable to break free on their own without help.  Parents and church leaders tend to underestimate the level of support and help needed to break the addiction and believe that simply reporting to the bishop when relapse occurs is enough support.  Often it requires both ecclesiastical and professional help over a long period of time to overcome.

2.          “You just need to try harder.”

Overcoming an addiction to pornography can be very difficult.  Too often, those not familiar with the strength of the addiction simplify the process and expect that more desire and more willpower should result in terminating the addiction.  It is hard for those not familiar with addiction to comprehend why some youth continue to relapse into viewing pornography despite every intention to remain abstinent.  While increased commitment and effort are vital to overcoming the addiction, we need to empower our youth with every possible tool for learning to manage the addiction including spiritual support, emotional support, internet accountability and professional intervention.  In fighting pornography addiction, there is no such thing as too much intervention.   This is why both ecclesiastical and professional help are essential.

3.          A few months abstinence equals recovery.

Some addicted youth are able to refrain from viewing pornography for several weeks and even months using willpower.  In some cases, young adults serve missions and refrain from viewing pornography for two years only to return home and fall back into the addiction. While this shows a strong effort on their part, too often youth who have not participated in treatment will eventually relapse back into viewing pornography.  It is important for youth, parents and church leaders to recognize the need for those who have been addicted to have the opportunity to analyze and explore the nature of the addiction including the underlying emotional and psychological issues that lead to the formation of the addiction.  Too often, a few months abstinence is misinterpreted as the problem being resolved and thus, no need for participation in professional treatment.  The reality is that pornography addiction often becomes a life-long management issue and not something that is resolved over the space of a few week or a few months.

Programs for teen porn addictions

Are there programs for teen pornography addictions?

Treatment programs for teen sexual compulsive behaviors such as porn or masturbation addiction are designed to help the youth overcome compulsions that are very similar to drug and alcohol addictions. However, “process addictions” as they are often referred to, are treated differently as they involve processes that are normal for humans to participate in such as sexual activity.  The addiction emerges when the teen develops a compulsion to repeat the act until it begins to impede their emotional development as it becomes a form of coping with life stresses and begins to interfere with their relationships and day-to-day functioning.  Unfortunately, due to the abundance of internet pornography teens are beginning to develop sexual addictions at younger and younger ages wherein participation in sexual behaviors is harmful to their development. Treating process addictions such as pornography or cyber-sexual addiction requires a different approach than drug addiction recovery.  Programs for treating teen pornography addiction range from outpatient treatment such as the Mending The Armor program to intense wilderness therapy experiences such as STAR Guides wilderness. 

What is porn addiction?

Porn addiction is a sex addiction that is specific to viewing pornography.  It is the compulsion to view pornographic material and to masturbate to it with little regard to financial, social and other obligations. Like a true addiction, the pornography consumes a teens thoughts and acations.  Addicted youth will spend hours viewing and masturbating to porn usually in secret and hidden from the knowledge of their parents. The stimulation provides a pleasure that is similiar to the high that drug addicts experience.  Teen porn addicts feel driven to this compulsive behavior to obtain that pleasure again and again. However, each time, the pleasure becomes harder to achieve, leading to more masturbation and porn to achieve the desired euphoria.

How do you treat teen porn addiction?

For most teens addicted to porn, there is typically an underlying psychological issue that drives the porn addiction. In some cases, youth are victims of childhood abuses, in other cases youth were exposed to pornography at a very early age. Due to the ease of access to pornography, some youth simply become addicted out of curiosity.  

Treatment for porn addiction begins with a comprehensive psycho-sexual assessment to determine the underlying conditions driving the addiction.  This assessment provides parents with a guide for the treatment needs of the addicted teen.  Typically, the recommendations for treatment include participation in psychotherapy services in the form of individual therapy, group therapy and family therapy sessions. These sessions may take quite some time to complete. For many teens, learning to manage this addiction can take several months and a great deal of hard work.  The STAR Guides and Mending The Armor programs utilize a combination of these therapies with a particular focus on group therapy. Group therapy is especially helpful to the teen porn addict, as it reverses the solitary nature of that addiction. The compulsion to view porn and masturbate is a private, solo act. In group treatment, the act is no longer personal. This helps tremendously in healing.

Whether the youth is treated in a wilderness or outpatient setting, the mental health portion of porn addiction recovery is the most important and cannot be duplicated without the help of a professional.

The goal of pornography addiction recovery is to teach the teen to survive in a world where sex is a normal function, without developing a dependency on sexual behaviors for emotional coping. This means learning control and self-discipline over the addiction through lifestyle changes and development of healthy coping skills to help the young addict stay on the road to recovery.

Three reasons why today's teens are more vurnerable than past generations for developing a pornography addiction

Mental health counselors and psychotherapists are seeing a pattern of increasing numbers of teens and young adults seeking treatment for problems related to pornography addiction and its accompanying behaviors.   This pattern suggests a need for further analysis as to why this is occurring and what the long-term ramifications of this may be.  Studies already suggest that most adults struggling with sexual addiction first developed the addiction during adolescence.  Does this pattern predict an epidemic of future sexual addiction as these teens move into adulthood?

The Youth Pornography Addiction Center was founded in 2010 and has been studying this trend and providing treatment to teens and young adults in this area since that time.  Based on its experience, listed below are three reasons why this trend is occurring:

1.Access—Pornography has always been available, but until the age of the internet, had to be accessed in magazines, video tapes and often required entry into adult books stores and was difficult for teens to obtain.  Never before has sexually explicit material been so readily available and easily accessed.   A majority of teens and young adults have laptops, smart phones, I-pads and are constantly connected to the internet.  In a matter of seconds and virtually anywhere, pornography can viewed.  Internet porn is the medium by which most youth view pornography and most of it free of charge and without accountability for age of the viewer.

2.Potency of today’s Porn—There is a drastic difference between today’s online porn and the porn of just a few decades ago. Now, youth can go to countless websites and find more free porn than they could ever find the time to watch….all in high definition video. They can even pick their favorite template, hair color, sexual activity, and just watch video after video of it. It’s all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and can be viewed on phones at any age.  Addicted teens find themselves driven to view more and more pornography and becoming more and more secretive and deceitful in their efforts to do so.  It is true that erotic photos and videos have been around a long time, but the dopamine arousal from turning the pages of a Playboy magazine can’t hold a candle to the steady stream of ever changing erotic stimulation that is so easily obtained from searching for and viewing online porn. This is why online erotica can create such powerful addictions in teens.  Today’s porn doesn’t satisfy teens’ needs; it distorts them. Teens are particularly vulnerable as the strength of the dopamine high is likely the strongest, most euphoric sensation they have ever experienced in their young lives. Skeptics need to understand this “high” rivals anything that could be achieved with drugs.

3.Diminished authentic relationships—The rising generation has been using technology on a daily basis for their entire lives and it is interfering with their ability to connect with others in a face to face and intimate manner.   Many teens text far more than they talk.  Some send more than 1000 texts a day.  Many teens spend hours and hours playing video games and interacting with “virtual friends” on Facebook while sitting at home alone and isolated from “real friends”.   Intimacy and connectedness can not occur in virtually or in cyberspace.  The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which surveyed more than 12,000 high school students throughout the country, has noted that feelings of “connectedness” (feeling close to people at school, fairly treated by teachers, and loved and wanted at home) helped significantly to lower an individual’s likelihood of emotional distress, early sexual activity, substance abuse, violence, and suicide.  Another recent study found in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine has suggested that the more screen (computer, video game, cell phone) exposure teenagers get, the more detached they are from those round them.  There appears to be a relationship between adolescent screen time and the diminished social involvement with parents and peers.  Sexual addiction experts suggest that among the core issues driving the addiction is the lack of intimacy and fear of connectedness.

Mending The Armor is an outpatient treatment program that has been specifically designed to provide LDS youth and young adults with a formal approach for learning to manage and overcome an addiction to pornography and other unwanted sexual behaviors.  This program is currently being offered in eighteen locations in the United States and Canada.  See the Locations page on the website to find an office near you.  If you are therapist interested in providing this service in your office, see the Become A Provider page for information on how to join the Mending The Armor network

Celebrating Success

Celebrating Success

The brave youth and young adults who choose to participate in our program truly are among the great and noble ones.   It takes a tremendous amount of courage for these young men to admit to a pornography addiction and to ask for help.  They are motivated by a testimony of the gospel and a strong desire to overcome their addiction.  Most experience the ups and downs in their battle to achieve recovery and face strong adversity and temptation to give up and stop trying.  In their efforts to conquer the addiction, they develop character and integrity and in time, develop the skills to achieve a recovery.

We recently celebrated the success of one of our youth achieving the one year mark for recovery.  This was a great day as this young man had struggled with pornography addiction since he was eleven years-old.  His reaching the year mark was an exciting milestone. 

We also recently celebrated another one of our young adults receiving a mission call.  This was a wonderful moment for him as he has worked so diligently to overcome his addiction.  His becoming worthy to serve a mission and receiving a mission call was an inspiration and motivator to other group members who are striving to overcome the addiction. 

These two successes are testaments to the Mending The Armor group pledge:

“In our battle, we form a brotherhood. Together, we strengthen and support each other as we work toward our goal of becoming men of integrity, worthy husbands and righteous fathers.”

Q & A: Can the Mending The Armor program help teens who are struggling with other sexual behavior problems besides pornography?

Absolutely.  The Mending The Amor program is a great treatment option for teens who are struggling with a variety of non-legal sexual behavior problems.  We have been able to successful help many teens overcome various sexual behavior issues including: fetishes, voyeurism, compulsive masturbation, sexting, sexual promiscuity, cybersex, hypersexual talk and behavior, and of course pornography addiction. 

Finding treatment for sexual behavior problems for youth can be difficult.  Most communities have counseling offices that provide programs designed for juvenile sexual offenders who have committed sexual offenses, but few counseling offices offer treatment options for teens who are struggling with sexual behaviors that have not resulted in legal problems. 

Because of the sexualization of our culture and the abundance of pornography and immorality, there has never been a time when the rising generation has had a greater need for guidance and direction regarding sexuality in their lives.

The Mending The Armor program provides a formal, structured approach to help teens to identify what healthy sexuality is and then develop a plan to achieve it.  The program also helps teens to identify and more effectively manage the underlying emotional issues which typically drive sexual behavior problems.  The program assists teens in being able to learn to manage sexual behavior problems while they are still young and prevent future problems.

Three misconceptions about pornography addiction and LDS youth that intefere with recovery

As part of our efforts to spread the Mending The Armor program, we have had the chance to visit with many parents, church leaders, therapists and youth from various parts of the country on the topic of pornography addiction among LDS youth and young adults.  Based on these conversations, it seems clear that many youth and young adults struggling with the addiction, but we have been surprised by how few actually seek professional treatment for dealing with the addiction.  Here are three misconceptions that we believe explain this:

1.          Yes, it’s a problem………….but is professional intervention really needed?

Too often, the chronic use of pornography by youth is not viewed as an addiction, but rather just a bad habit.   The word “addiction” is strong and there is hesitancy on the part of parents, church leaders and youth to accept that an addiction exists.  Because of shame and embarrassment, youth may minimize or downplay the extent of the problem.  As a result, parents and church leaders are often not fully aware of the depth of the issue resulting in the conclusion that professional help is not necessary.   The unfortunate reality of pornography addiction is that most are unable to break free on their own without help.

2.          “You just need to try harder.”

Overcoming an addiction to pornography can be very difficult.  Too often, those not familiar with the strength of the addiction simplify the process and expect that more desire and more willpower should result in terminating the addiction.  It is hard for those not familiar with addiction to comprehend why some youth continue to relapse into viewing pornography despite every intention to remain abstinent.  While increased commitment and effort are vital to overcoming the addiction, we need to empower our youth with every possible tool for learning to manage the addiction including spiritual support, emotional support, internet accountability and professional intervention.  In fighting pornography addiction, there is no such thing as too much intervention. 

3.          A few months abstinence equals recovery.

Some addicted youth are able to refrain from viewing pornography for several weeks and even months using willpower.  In some cases, young adults serve missions and refrain from viewing pornography for two years only to return home and fall back into the addiction. While this shows a strong effort on their part, too often youth who have not participated in treatment will eventually relapse back into viewing pornography.  It is important for youth, parents and church leaders to recognize the need for those who have been addicted to have the opportunity to analyze and explore the nature of the addiction including the underlying emotional and psychological issues that lead to the formation of the addiction.  Too often, a few months abstinence is misinterpreted as the problem being resolved and thus, no need for participation in professional treatment.

Q & A: How is the Mending The Armor program different than the LDS Addiction Recovery meetings?

Mending The Armor is a program that has been specifically designed for LDS youth and young adults who are struggling with pornography addiction.  It is not intended to replace or substitute for the LDS addiction recovery program, but rather to prepare youth and young adults to more fully benefit from meetings and to view addiction recovery meetings as a source of long-term support for sustaining a recovery.  Mending The Armor was created by a group of LDS therapists who spent many years working with teens struggling with addiction issues and saw a need for a program for LDS youth struggling with pornography.

Young people who are dealing with an addiction to pornography need all the support and help possible to overcome the addiction.  The Mending The Armor program provides specific instruction and education to understand the science of pornography addiction, the underlying emotional issues that drive the addiction, managing the shame involved with the addiction and the thinking errors used to maintain the addiction.  The program provides strategies for improving thought and impulse control, relapse prevention and provides a formal way of tracking abstinence efforts.  Completion of the Mending The Armor requires that participates complete each of the twelve chapters in the Breaking Free workbook and achieve 90 days of abstinence. 

The Mending The Armor program is a great introductory path into the importance of using the Twelve Step model and the Atonement for overcoming pornography addiction.  Additionally, the program allows young people to participate in a treatment group with other LDS youth struggling with the same issue.  This can make is easier for youth to participate in group settings as in some cases, youth are not yet comfortable in an LDS addiction recovery meeting.

We whole heartedly endorse The LDS Addiction Recovery Program and encourage all of our youth to attend meetings in conjunction with the Mending The Armor program as well as continued attendance to recovery meetings after having completed Mending The Armor.

Pornography Addiction Treatment Program for Teens and Young Adults now available in Las Vegas, Nevada

Jeremy Leavitt, MS, MFT-I, CADC-I has joined the network and is now offering the Mending The Armor and STAR Guides program in the Las Vegas area.  

Jeremy is a young and energetic therapist.  He possesses a bachelors degree in Criminal Justice and a Master of Marriage, Family, and Child Therapy degree.  He has training in addictions and has experience providing services as a substance abuse counselor for individuals of all ages.  He also provides services for a number of other issues including couples, families, dual-diagnosis, depression and anxiety.  Jeremy has been happily married for 10 years and has two wonderful boys.  He enjoys practicing and teaching Taekwondo in his off-time.  Jeremy has a 2nd degree black belt and has been teaching martial arts to troubled youth and adults for approximately 14 years.  He feels that this experience is what led him to become a therapist.

Jeremy's professional experience and personal qualities make him a great addition to the network.  Youth and Young Adults in the Las Vegas area who are struggling with pornography addiction will surely benefit from Jeremy's counseling services.

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Q & A: We are not LDS, but I would like to get help for my son who is struggling with a pornography addiction. What is the difference between the STAR Guides program and Mending The Armor program?

STAR Guides and Mending The Armor are nearly identical programs.  Both are specifically designed and created for assisting teens and young adults to break free from pornography addiction and its accompanying behaviors.  They use the same format and share the same treatment philosophy.  They can be used interchangeably.

The only significant difference is that the Mending The Armor incorporates LDS based teachings into the curriculum. For example, In the LDS religion, use of pornography and masturbation requires  youth to repent and confess these actions to their bishop.   Youth who complete the Mending The Armor program are given counsel and guidance to visit with their bishops and follow the church’s guidelines for repentance.  Young men in the LDS church who are preparing to serve missions need to eliminate the habit of masturbation in addition to abstaining from pornography use.  Successful completion of the Mending The Armor program requires youth to achieve abstinence from masturbation in addition to pornography.  In contrast, The STAR Guides program recommends that youth carefully consider the ramifications of a masturbation habit and decide on an individual case by case basis the appropriateness of masturbation rather than making it a program requirement.

It is common for LDS youth and non LDS youth to participate in group treatment together with the only difference being that the LDS youth would be completing the Mending The Armor curriculum and non-LDS youth would be completing the STAR Guides curriculum.