What is the typical profile of a STAR Guides wilderness student?

A common questions parents ask when searching for a treatment program for their teen is “what kind of kids will he be around while in the program?”

STAR Guides is unique in that it is the only wilderness therapy program in the country that specializes exclusively in the assessment and treatment of pornography, sexual addiction and maladaptive sexual issues.   Contrary to the stereotype that some hold regarding these issues, the youth who come to STAR Guides are actually good young men.  They are respectful, caring teens and young adults who want to be successful in life, but are struggling with some form of a sexual compulsive behavior that has resulted in the development of an addiction that have been unable to overcome.  In some cases, the addiction has led to a poor choice to act out sexually in an illegal manner.  

Youth who attend our program have not been involved in gangs, drugs or a criminal lifestyle.  Rather, the typical profile can be described as youth who have attempted to hide or conceal problematic sexual behaviors due to shame and guilt about these issues.   Most are struggling with emotional and mental scars that stem from feelings of deep shame and guilt because of their sexual problems that has so often been concealed and hidden from others.  Most are struggling to develop self-confidence and a belief that they can overcome their addictions and achieve a happy life as an adult.  The underlying feelings of inadequacy, depression, self-loathing and shame often undermine the youth’s ability to achieve success in other areas of life which has led to the need for participation in a treatment program.

The element that ties all of our students together is the absolute need that each has to develop an identity based on successfully managing the emotional demands of their life without the use of a dependency on sexual behaviors.  This is what the STAR Guides experience provides to them—an “in vivo” experience  of facing the most demanding challenge of their life and through great effort,  to develop coping skills and confidence to  complete the program .  

Art of War: Pornography Addiction

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”— Sun Tzu, Art of War

How does one combat one’s self?

 Therein lies the problem with pornography addiction, which “… activates the same addiction centres in the brain as alcohol and heroin,” according to a recent Cambridge University Study. Except, unlike drugs, alcohol, or heroin, which are typically harder to acquire, pornography exists everywhere — television, computers, and even phones. An individual can’t run from pornography, or even avoid it.

 What they can do is combat it.

 “Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory. Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat.”

 Before one attempts to battle their addiction, they must first understand what causes the addiction. Therapists and psychiatrists can help determine the underlining problems — stress, isolation, low self-esteem, etc. — that lead to an individual’s bad behaviors, and then develop a Treatment Plan based on their findings.

 “So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you can win a hundred battles without a single loss.”

 A Treatment Plan provides the type of prolonged resistance needed to battle a disease such as pornography. Rather than merely attempt to stop an individual from viewing inappropriate material, a Treatment Plan sets up defenses that not only halt the addiction, but also keeps it from ever striking back.

 Would you rather go to battle with a few weeks worth of supplies — enough to win a small skirmish — or the type of arsenal needed to defeat an enemy soundly enough that it never returns?

 “If you know the enemy and know yourself, your victory will not stand in doubt; if you know Heaven and know Earth, you may make your victory complete.”

 Pornography addiction remains a volatile problem in today’s world. The only way to combat this ever-growing threat is to be prepared to battle all of its advances. By understanding one’s self, one’s needs, and one’s desires, and learning all they can about the problem, an addict can develop a sound strategy to combat and destroy their enemy once and for all. 

Is pornography as destructive to adolescent development as drug abuse?

The abuse of drugs and alcohol during by teens has been an area of concern among parents, teachers and mental health experts for many years. Prevention and treatment efforts are found in virtually every community in the nation and most agree that teen drug abuse is a societal issue that needs continued focus due to its damaging effects.

In recent years, due to the ease of access to pornography and the increased sexualization of our culture, increasing numbers of teens are viewing pornography on a regular basis, and in many cases becoming addicted.  Unfortunately, the same level of concern that accompanies teen drug abuse seems to be lacking with the new phenomena of teens and porn.  There are a variety of explanations for why there is not more being done including the mistaken belief held by some that “boys will boys” while normalizing the behavior and accepting the idea that it is simply part of adolescent sexuality to be curious and to explore porn.  Another is the incorrect idea that it is a moral issue that should be left to parents and churches to deal with, rather than viewing it as a developmental issue that impacts a teen’s emotional, psychological, neurological and social development. 

According to sociologist Jill Manning, the research indicates pornography consumption is associated with the following six trends:

1. Increased marital distress, and risk of separation and divorce

2. Decreased marital intimacy and sexual satisfaction

3. Infidelity

4. Increased appetite for more graphic types of pornography and sexual activity

associated with abusive, illegal or unsafe practices

5. Devaluation of monogamy, marriage and child rearing

6. An increasing number of people struggling with compulsive and addictive sexual Behavior

Too often, we minimize potential problems with teen pornography use and simply hope they will somehow go away on their own.  As parents and professionals, we need to be more vigilant to assure that those teens who are struggling with pornography addiction are able to get help in breaking free from the addiction.  Failing to do so holds both short-term and long-term damaging ramifications for youth.  In most cases, individuals addicted to pornography are unable to break the addiction on their own and as outlined above, the potential trends lead to the destruction of future families and the decay of society.

Warning to parents: cyber-sex addiction is a teen issue

Cybersex addiction is the compulsive use of internet pornography, sexually-oriented chat rooms, sexual- fantasy role-play sites, use of social media, smart phones and other handheld devices for sexual pleasure which  in turn, negatively impact an individual’s functioning.  As much as we would like to conclude that these issues only impact adults in our society, we must begin to accept the fact that children and teens develop cybersex addition as well—and more often than many realize.  Unfortunately most don’t seek help until later in life after the addiction has resulted in significant disruption to their lives.

Experts are predicting that cybersex addiction is the next tsunami of mental health, and yes, this includes among teens.   The impact is far-reaching and its effects are yet to be fully realized as cyber-sexual activities is such a new issue and we have yet to see the outcomes on the current generation.  Consider just a few of the statistics regarding teens and porn:

93 % of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18.

70% of boys have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes looking at on-line porn on at least one occasion.

35% of boys have done this on at least ten occasions.

83% of boys have seen group sex on the internet.

67% of children admit to clearing their internet history to hide their online activity.

0% of pornography users report being addicted.

The average age a child first sees internet pornography is 11.

70% of young men ages 18-24 visit pornographic websites on at least a monthly basis.

Internet porn and cyber-sexual activities supplies an immediate, private, and easily accessed "hit," thus changing the erotic template of the brain.  Its use has a drug-like effect on the body and mind.  It stimulates reward and pleasure centers of the brain instantly and dramatically, increasing the production of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with both sexual arousal and drug highs.  Pornography and cybersex can also lead to "process addiction" in which the person becomes addicted to a set of behaviors that in turn powerfully alter brain chemistry.   In time, the user can't control his or her use, is aroused only by images and interactions on the screen, and natural sexual responsiveness is reduced.  Cyber-sexual addiction has the potential of harming the emotional, psychological neurological sexual, and relational well-being of an entire generation of youth.

Additionally, chronic exposure to cyber-sexual activities has led many teens to believe that being sexually active is normal.  It is now common for oral sex to be seen as the new kissing and for girls to send nude/partially nude photos of themselves via smart phones to boys as a way to communicate their interest.  

These new issues create some major challenges for parents which leads many to ask, “What can we do to protect our kids?”  We offer three important ideas for parents:

1. Supervise your kids when they're on the internet.  Use internet filters, but do not assume that filters will eliminate exposure to sexually explicit material.   Just as important--Be wise in the decisions you make about allowing your kids to have smart phones.  Be willing to take a strong stance if your child is not ready.  Some kids simply are not ready to have possession of a smartphone.  Allow them to have a phone, but do not provide a data package or internet access.  Your child must prove to you they are capable of using it responsibly.  When you do provide a child with a smart phone, you as the parent must retain ultimate control over the device which means you can take it and look through it at any time and without warning.  It also means if you suspect misuse in any way, that you have the ability to take away the privilege. 

2. Talk to your children about sexual issues—not just once or twice, but make it a regular on-going communication.  Too many parents “have the talk” once and then assume their child(ren) will be fine.  An open line of communication with parents about sexual issues throughout the adolescent years is vital to help teens navigate these challenges.

3. If one of your teen has become dependent on internet porn, get him or her professional help.  Most individuals who become addicted to pornography can’t break the addiction on their own.  Don’t trivialize or minimize the problems and somehow hope that the problem with go away on its own.  Helping your child to manage the addiction now, rather than later in life will save them having to deal with the negative consequences as an adult.

Understanding the role of shame and guilt in pornography addiction

The most difficult aspect a person suffering from pornography addiction can face is shame and guilt — two powerful emotions that not only corrupt an individual’s self-confidence, but also make it nearly impossible for them to fix the addiction at hand.

On the website RowboatandMarbles.org, an author describes the problem associated with most addicts, particularly LDS men:

“Three short sentences are killing Mormon men: “This is my problem to deal with. I created this mess, so it’s up to me to clean it up. Nobody else has to get involved.” As far as addiction is concerned, I don’t think the problem is that Mormon men are refusing to accept personal responsibility. Quite the opposite, I believe nearly every man in the Church currently suffering in silence with his sex and pornography addiction is hiding behind the notion that because he needs to be a man about this and accept personal responsibility, he needs to (or gets to) take care of this on his own.”

Indeed, such a thought process comes about due to a sense of guilt. Guilt, by definition, is a feeling of remorse for an offense, crime, or wrongdoing, whether real or imagined. Those associated with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will attest to the several talks by church leaders declaring pornography as an egregious and wicked sin. In turn, most members of the church will feel a sense of guilt because of their actions and then, in turn, refuse to confront the problem for fear of being cast out — imperfections will be revealed, followed by embarrassment.

Shame digs even deeper into a person’s soul, drowning them in feelings of worthlessness. As stated in “Breaking Free,” “Shame can lead an individual to believe that they can never be worthy to receive forgiveness from God, others and themselves.”

Obviously, church leaders have tried to counter this line of thinking. In an October 2006 session of General Conference, Dallin H. Oaks explained:

“Many [people] carry heavy burdens. Some have lost a loved one to death or care for one who is disabled. Some have been wounded by divorce. Others yearn for an eternal marriage. Some are caught in the grip of addictive substances or practices like alcohol, tobacco, drugs, or pornography. Others have crippling physical or mental impairments. Some are challenged by same-gender attraction. Some have terrible feelings of depression or inadequacy. In one way or another, many are heavy laden … To each of us our Savior gives this loving invitation: ‘Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light (Matthew 11:28–30).’”

Pornography and sexual addiction are difficult problems to overcome, but with the Lord’s help an addict can find redemption and peace. Don’t allow shame and guilt to keep you from seeking help from pornography addiction. Please, speak with a Bishop, or counselor. You are not alone in this fight, and cannot fight alone. As the Savior instructed:

“Come unto me, and ye shall find rest unto your souls” (Matthew 11:28–29).

Why are today's youth so vulnerable to addicting to pornography?

 Mental health professionals are seeing a pattern of more and more teens and young adults seeking treatment for problems related to pornography addiction and its accompanying behaviors.   This pattern leads to the need for further analysis as to why this is occurring and what the long-term ramifications of this may be.

Studies already suggest that most adults struggling with sexual addiction first developed the addiction during adolescence.  Does this pattern predict an epidemic of future sexual addiction?

The Youth Pornography Addiction Center was founded in 2010 and has been studying this trend and providing treatment to teens and young adults in this area since that time.  Based on its experience, listed below are three reasons why this trend is occurring:

1. Access—Pornography has always been available, but until the age of the internet, had to be accessed in magazines, video tapes and often required entry into adult books stores and was difficult for teens to obtain.  Never before has sexually explicit material been so readily available and easily accessed.   A majority of teens and young adults have laptops, smart phones, I-pads and are constantly connected to the internet.  In a matter of seconds and virtually anywhere, pornography can viewed.  Internet porn is the medium by which most youth view pornography and most of it free of charge and without accountability for age of the viewer.
2. Potency of today’s Porn—There is a drastic difference between today’s online porn and the porn of just a few decades ago. Now, youth can go to countless websites and find more free porn than they could ever find the time to watch….all in high definition video. They can even pick their favorite template, hair color, sexual activity, and just watch video after video of it. It’s all free, easy to access, available within seconds, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and can be viewed on phones at any age.  Addicted teens find themselves driven to view more and more pornography and becoming more and more secretive and deceitful in their efforts to do so.  It is true that erotic photos and videos have been around a long time, but the dopamine arousal from turning the pages of a Playboy magazine can’t hold a candle to the steady stream of ever changing erotic stimulation that is so easily obtained from searching for and viewing online porn. This is why online erotica can create such powerful addictions in teens.  Today’s porn doesn’t satisfy teens’ needs; it distorts them. Teens are particularly vulnerable as the strength of the dopamine high is likely the strongest, most euphoric sensation they have ever experienced in their young lives. Skeptics need to understand this “high” rivals anything that could be achieved with drugs.
3. Diminished authentic relationships—The rising generation has been using technology on a daily basis for their entire lives and it is interfering with their ability to connect with others in a face to face and intimate manner.   Many teens text far more than they talk.  Some send more than 1000 texts a day.  Many teens spend hours and hours playing video games and interacting with “virtual friends” on Facebook while sitting at home alone and isolated from “real friends”.   Intimacy and connectedness can not occur in virtually or in cyberspace.  The National Longitudinal Study on Adolescent Health, which surveyed more than 12,000 high school students throughout the country, has noted that feelings of “connectedness” (feeling close to people at school, fairly treated by teachers, and loved and wanted at home) helped significantly to lower an individual’s likelihood of emotional distress, early sexual activity, substance abuse, violence, and suicide.  Another recent study found in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine has suggested that the more screen (computer, video game, cell phone) exposure teenagers get, the more detached they are from those around them.  There appears to be a relationship between adolescent screen time and the diminished social involvement with parents and peers.  Sexual addiction experts suggest that among the core issues driving the addiction is the lack of intimacy and fear of connectedness.

Three reasons to not ignore teen pornography use

In our technology-driven modern culture where pornographic media is increasingly common place, it can be easy to downplay the use of pornography among today’s teens as “normal curiosity”, “just a phase” or “part of exploring one’s sexuality”.  Additionally, given the deterioration of morality in society, the use of pornography is not even viewed as a problem by some and the idea of its use being pathological is mocked and ridiculed. 

Because porn is so abundant, easy to access and regularly viewed, increasing numbers of teens do not hold the belief that viewing pornography is harmful, but rather believe that “everyone is doing it” and view the behavior as normal and acceptable.

Don’t fool yourself and keep your head buried in the sand about this growing problem in our society.  Pornography use among teens can have devastating consequences.

1.       Pornography is addictive.  Neuroscience findings show that pornography addiction impacts the brain the same way that drug and alcohol addiction does.  Teen brains are particularly susceptible to pornography addiction as the neurochemicals released while viewing pornography create a euphoria not previously experienced and quickly train the brain to crave the “high” that accompanies viewing.   Easier to access and conceal than drugs or alcohol and with a virtually endless supply of free material, pornography can rapidly become an addiction and nobody but the young addict is even aware.  Breaking the addiction can be incredibly difficult.  Individuals addicted to both drugs and porn share that breaking a porn addiction can be more difficult.

2.       Pornography distorts a teen’s view of sexuality.   Unfortunately, increasing numbers of children gain their knowledge about sexuality from pornography and the internet, rather than from their parents. More cases are being seen in juvenile courts involving young children and teens exposed to pornography “acting out” activities they have viewed in pornographic media leading to problems such as sexual abuse and reckless sexual behavior.  Additionally, regular porn use leads to the “objectification of people for their bodies” rather than viewing them as individuals such as somebody’s sister or somebody’s daughter.  Young men who regularly view pornography become trained to view women as mere sex objects and young women come to believe that they must strive to have the body of a porn star to be valued by society.  Ultimately the act of sex becomes so devalued and distorted that it serves no purpose beyond a tool for selfish pleasure, rather than the cherished and respected act that is the ultimate form of expression of love and bonding between a couple and the source of creating new life.

3.       Pornography destroys relationships.  Marriage counselors have seen a dramatic rise in the number of couples experiencing marital problems as a result of pornography.  Though hard for youth to comprehend, teens addicted to pornography have trained their brains to arouse to porn, which can interfere with their ability to effectively engage in a healthy marital relationship later in life.  A recent phenomena noted by therapists and physicians is erectile dysfunction in young men who can arouse to pornography, but not to regular healthy sex with their partner.   Additionally, most spouses do not approve of their partner viewing porn.  This leads the addict to keeping the addiction secret which creates trust issues and conflict in a young marriage.  Lastly, teens that develop an addiction to pornography often do so at the expense of participation in socialization and relationships with peers.  The formation of addiction and the inability to quit viewing creates unwanted emotions of shame, guilt, embarrassment, increased secrecy, depression and self-loathing which make it more difficult in young adulthood to work toward intimacy with a partner.

See the "Redflags" Early --Don't Minimize Pornography Addiction

The problem with any addiction is that most people don’t know just how far down the rabbit hole they’ve traveled until it’s too late. An addict will justify their situation, or trivialize it. “It’s just a little alcohol. It’s not like I need it every second!” “Everyone does it. No need to worry.” “I can stop when I want to.”

In the case of pornography, most addicts get stuck in a cycle, and can’t begin the process of recovery until they realize the severity of their problem. Indeed, with pornography so prevalent in today’s media culture, one can easily slip into a vast pit of darkness without realizing they ever fell away from the light.

Part of the problem arises from a misguided sense of denial, or an unwillingness to recognize the full extent of the problem. Denying that the problem exists allows addicts to avoid the discomfort of the shame and embarrassment that are involved with admitting to a pornography addiction.

In actuality, modern society makes it difficult to recognize the dangers of pornography addiction. Online websites and even health care and psychology professionals continue to claim the viewing of adult material as perfectly normal, while motion pictures and television shows make light of sexual addiction, creating a sense that pornography is merely a part of our culture, thus making it difficult for an addict to recognize his or her problem — the notion that “everyone does it” remains a misguided justification.

Once an addict finally recognizes the severity of the problem, it’s important for them to seek help. Unfortunately, denial can limit progression and lead to more years of abuse. “I used to look at pornography, but I don’t do it very often anymore, so it’s not really an addiction.” The correct thinking should be, “I know I am vulnerable to viewing pornography and could easily relapse, so I have to be constantly careful to avoid being in situations where I am exposed to it.”

What many people don’t understand is that breaking the shackles of pornography addiction often requires a lifetime of management to overcome. The temptation to view pornography never subsides, meaning an addict must work on controlling their desires on a daily basis — without minimizing the overall problem.

Minimizing can be just as dangerous as denial. By making a harmful action seem less significant, we hope to lessen the consequences that may result. Often times an addict uses the words “only” or “just” while minimizing in order to lessen the blow of his or her actions.

In the television series “Breaking Bad,” the main character Walter White, who transforms from timid chemistry teacher to criminal mastermind, continually minimizes his actions. Even when said actions lead to death and the destruction of his loved ones. He claims his actions are done “only for the love of his family,” and never fully comprehends just how far he’s fallen until it’s too late.

If we deceive ourselves that our hurtful or irresponsible behaviors are no big deal, then we won’t work on changing them.  Young people struggling with pornography addiction will often minimize the problem, and say, “I only look at pornography on occasion-it’s not like I’m doing it all the time-I’m not addicted.”                   

It is possible to become addicted to pornography after only viewing it once. Even the occasional viewing is highly dangerous as it warps the mind’s overall understanding of sex, turning one of God’s greatest gifts into a vile and repulsive act that results in shame and guilt. 

The correct thought for all men and women (no matter their age) should be, “Any viewing of pornography is a serious issue and only increases my chances of forming an addiction.”

As the prophet Gordon B. Hinkley once said, “Stay away from pornography as you would avoid a serious disease. It is as destructive. It can become habitual, and those who indulge in it get so they cannot leave it alone. It is addictive.”

If you are struggling with a pornography addiction, or know someone who is, don’t trivialize it. Seek help immediately so you may enjoy a life free of guilt and shame, full of happiness, friends, and love. 

Internet Accountability—A key component of recovery for teens striving to conquer pornography addiction

In addition to participation in treatment aspects of the program, Mending The Armor strongly encourages all youth and young adults participating in the program to utilize a form of internet accountability as they work toward recovery. Most young people in early stages of recovery from pornography addiction require external accountability.  Internet accountability is a key component of assisting teens and young adults in achieving a successful recovery.

Mending The Armor has researched a wide range of internet accountability tools to recommend to our clients and their parents.  Covenant Eyes is our choice for this service.   This product includes both internet filtering and accountability allowing parents to control the content of what their youth view on line as well as providing a daily report of all their on-line activity.

Covenant Eyes provides the highest quality service for internet filtering and accountability reporting available. This service can be used on home computers, laptop computers, smart phones, tablets, etc.

For only $10.49 monthly, our clients receive internet filtering services along with a daily accountability report of all internet activity. This report is provided to parents and the therapist. Use our promo code– breakingfree to purchase this service.

een Pornography Addiction Treatment now available in San Diego, California and Seattle, Washington.

Mending The Armor is now available in San Diego, California and Seattle, Washington!  We are excited to announce the addition of two new locations to the network and two highly skilled clinicians.

Cindi Christiansen , LMFT has joined the network and is a provider in San Diego.  Cindi has worked in the mental health arena for the last 16 years, with the last 8 years being involved with crisis intervention in the dually diagnosed community.  She has worked extensively with substance abuse, addictions (specifically pornography and sex addictions) and mood disorders.  She also has worked in the areas of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and personality disorders.   Her private practice is currently taking appointments for Thursday, Friday and Saturdays, and has evening appointments available.   She has worked extensively with adolescents and children.  Her practice accepts most major insurances, credit cards and she works on a sliding scale with my cash clients.  In addition to being licensed as a Marriage Family Therapist, she is also a fifth year doctoral student in Clinical Psychology.  She comes to the profession with a wealth of life experience, having successfully raised four children nearly all on her own as a working single mother.

Dave Perry, LMHC has joined the network as a provider in the greater Seattle area.  Dave earned a Bachelor Degree from BYU and a Master Degree in Counseling Psychology from City College of Seattle.  Prior to becoming a therapist, Dave was a successful businessman.  Dave has expertise in sexual addiction, depression, anxiety and marital counseling.  He is married to his high school sweetheart and together they have five children and nine grandchildren.

These programs are available to youth and families in the following areas:

Utah:

 St. George, Hurricane, Santa Clara, Ivins, LaVerkin, Toquerville, Virgin, New Harmony h, Springdale, Washington Utah, Hildale, Leeds, Mesquite Nevada, Colorado City Arizona, Beaver, Minersville, Milford , Garfield County

California:

Valencia, Newhall, Santa Clarita, Castaic, Northridge, San Fernando, Mission Hills, Granada Hills California, Thousand Oaks, Simi Valley, Westlake Village, Case Conejo, Oak Park, Agoura Hills, Camarillo, Calabasas, Malibu, Oxnard, Ventura, Moorpark, Chatsworth, Santa Monica, Chula Vista, El Cajon, La Jolla, Lemon Grove, Paradise Hills, National City, Santee, Spring Valley, Sierra Mesa, Del Cerro, San Carlos, Scripps Ranch, Mira Mesa, Torrey Pines,  Encanto, North Park, Poway, San Diego

Washington:

Seattle, Bellevue, Redmond, Renton,  Federal Way, Tacoma, Lakewood, Lacey, Olympia, Everett, Lynnwood, Kent, Woodinville, Shoreline, Shorewood, Puyallup, South Hill, Kirkland, Ballard, Issaquah, Northbend, Snoqualmie, Sammamish.