The “Iceberg Effect”—A call for parents and church leaders to be proactive in disrupting a pattern of pornography addiction

Research points to the pattern of most pornography and sexual addiction first manifesting during adolescence and young adulthood. A recent UCLA study found that 84% of adults in treatment for sexual addiction issues first experienced their problems during their adolescent and young adulthood years.   However, most individuals don’t seek treatment until later in life.  Additionally, a majority of adolescents in treatment for sexual behavior issues only sought help when the behavior resulted in legal problems such as an arrest for committing a sexual offense.  In the LDS community, often times, it is not until a young man is close to the age of serving a mission before he actively seeks help for a pornography addiction. Recent studies suggest that 93 % of boys and 62% of girls are exposed to internet pornography before the age of 18.  70% of boys have spent at least 30 consecutive minutes looking at on-line porn on at least one occasion.  35% of boys have done this on at least ten occasions.  83% of boys have seen group sex on the internet.  67% of children admit to clearing their internet history to hide their online activity.  These findings suggest that many young people experience problems with pornography and other sexual issues, but don’t get help unless they get in trouble and wait until later in life when the problems become unmanageable.

As parents, church leaders and professionals, we need to do a better job of identifying youth who could benefit from treatment.  Too often we minimize potential problems rather than seeing the warning signals.  Only a small portion of an iceberg is visible above the surface, while the majority of the ice remains under the surface, unseen, creating the misperception that the iceberg is not very large.  This is similar to many young people’s struggles with sexual behaviors. Parents and church leaders can erroneously conclude that their child’s pattern of viewing pornography is not significant enough to seek professional help, and thus the child continues to develop an addiction to pornography by becoming more sophisticated in concealing his actions.  While it is not unusual for a teen to be curious about pornography, parents need to be cautious to not minimize the behavior when they begin to observe a pattern of viewing pornography.  It is also not unusual for teens to lie and go to great lengths to “cover their tracks” in an effort to keep their developing addiction hidden from others.  Often times, youth only provide information on what they suspect others already know and continue to conceal a large part of their behavior out of fear, shame and fear of the consequences.  Listed are behaviors that can suggest a possible problem with pornography:

—  Living a double or secret life related to pornography use.

—  Tendency to isolate self and stay up late at night on the internet.

—  Hiding or attempting to keep secret the viewing of pornography.

—  An inability to stop viewing pornography despite previous attempts to do so.

—  Denial and anger when asked to stop by parents and adults.

—  Continuing to view pornography despite the known consequences of continued   viewing.

—  Depression, irritability, anger.

—  Hypersexual attitude, vocabulary and behavior.

—  Overprotective of their technology (cell phone, I-pod, lap top, etc.)

Help for LDS teens struggling with pornography addiction is available.  Parents and bishops who have concerns or even suspicions can seek an evaluation with a Mending The Armor therapist to determine if their child would benefit from participation in the Mending The Armor program.